Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The Many Advancements of Sammy

It's been a while since I've updated Sammy's status.  And the past month or so has pretty much been the month of the badass for him, so I think it's worth chronicling now.

First off - he gained three pounds in as many weeks.  While this might not sound desirable for those health-conscious people out there, remember that he is a baby.  Staying 15 pounds forever is unhealthy and weird.  And while this might not sound that impressive, given that I can drink a half-gallon of water in one sitting, which is 4 pounds gained in less than ten minutes, remember again that he is a baby.  3 pounds to a 15 pound baby is like, a million percent of your body weight.  That would be like if I went from 200 pounds to 240 in three weeks.  Don't tempt me, especially with the holidays fast approaching.

Second - once he packed on the pounds like a giant lardo, he leveled off and focused on getting to regular human status.  This means he popped out TWO TEETH SIMULTANEOUSLY.  He was all like, "yo, all you otha babies are weak with your whole one teeth at a time wussy-pants thing".  And he didn't even get fussy, as if to reiterate his badassness.

He also went from dry-humping the air in a kind of awkward rocking motion on all fours to 100% legitimately crawling in under a week.  Ok, maybe he crawls like he's a goose-stepping horse, but a victory's still a victory.  And just to make sure we're all aware of his stubbornness, he STILL refuses to sit.

This foal is seeking Kyle

And with these two huge unexpectedly amazing advancements, he finally learned how to suck on things.  I always thought this was the first thing babies learned - but not with this one.  But we gave him a strawberry and his head almost exploded from happiness and deliciousness.

Which brings us to our last advancement - he's starting to have fits.  Already.  We took the strawberry away from him after it was done, and he (for the first time ever) fell into a fit of rage and then depression.  He screamed like someone was shooting him in the face, then peeing on him, and then kicking and peeing on his dog.

Psh, joke's on him though - he doesn't even HAVE a dog.


  1. Hahaha! And so it begins! Just wait now for all the fun that a toddler brings.

    Did you get picks of him eating that strawberry?

    P.S. My first teethed two teeth at a time with no issues but the toddler needed to drag each one out into an ear infection misery for all production. I still haven't forgiven her for biting while nursing.

  2. Congratulations Sammy on all the wonderful advances! Oh there are so many more milestones to come, so exciting.

    My son has been popping 2 teeth at a time from the start. 2 months ago, it was FOUR at once. It's nuts.

  3. My daughter went from being all stealthy-like and simply appearing in another location when your back was turned to this three-legged crawl that we never really understood, to crawling for a day, and then she started trying to walk. Now, she's been "walking" for months, but always with her hands up - as if there was a cop who ordered her to "put your hands up."

    As far as the the teeth - they suck, don't they? Pain is such an important piece of bio-feedback, but we're able to comprehend why something hurts. For a baby, when the kid bumps him/herself and cries, it makes sense - bumping yourself hurts, so try not to do it. But, teething pain, when they can't understand it and it's seemingly stupid? I don't get it.

  4. Seeking Kyle, eh? That's awfully clever and subversive of him.

  5. Sammy is too cool. And he's very handsome as well. I think he will grow up to be a army general.

  6. Oh, it's all downhill from here. Does he do the thing where he crawls to the very place you don't want him and try to put dangerous things in his mouth? That's so much fun.

  7. One of the reasons why I like visiting your blog so much is because it has become a daily reference I can use in order to learn new nice stuff. It's like a curiosities box that surprises you over and over again.


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