Thursday, October 6, 2011

I woke up not a zombie today

Ok, I know the last two posts have been rough to get through.  Too analytical, not funny, and all around uninteresting.  Mostly, this is because I'm in the middle of an incredibly interesting class that has been dry-humping my face.  This has got me thinking about the class, and strategy, and greater implications of analysis on lots of other random boring crap blah, bla - oh my god, shut up - nobody cares.

But also, I'm not sure if you knew this, but we've got this kid, see.  And he doesn't like to lie down or sit anymore.  He discovered the wonders of standing.  On top of this, he is busting out his second set of teeth, and contrary to the last two, these (or this, i'm not sure how many are coming out) is a bastard tooth.  It's like those stupid tooth characters on those annoying kid commercials from the 80's telling you that you've gotta brush your teeth while wielding this massive toothbrush, and you just want to punch it in the face and say, "shut your goddamn mouth, tooth".

I want to punch this guy in the periodontal membrane
So Sammy's been up almost all night for the past two nights crying and moaning and writing in agony.  And not only is it exhausting to be up rocking him in your arms all night long (so my wife tells me - I have been bad about keeping my eyes open), but it really sucks to know he's in so much pain. 

And standing?  Sammy is now waking us up by poking his head over the rail of the crib and giving the baby equivalent of "HEY! I see you!! Why are you not paying attention to me!?!" So because he doesn't want to lie down anymore, this ALSO decreases the amount of sleep everyone gets because he's now permanently playing his own version of Jenga (or is it stack attack?), where he wobbles back and forth and your only job is to basically make sure he doesn't collapse down on the floor and bang his head off of the only sharp thing in the entire house (which is like a magnet for baby heads) and smash into a thousand pieces.

But I woke up this morning with a little extra excitement.  Reason #1 - Either Sammy let us sleep through the night, or I didn't hear him crying at all.  Reason #2 - it's an absolutely beautiful day outside.  and Reason #3 - we've got less than 45 days until our absolutely awesome vacation that is going to be like Odysseus returning home, putting his feet up on the coffee table with a beer and having Penelope feed him profiteroles, or whatever it was that people ate back then wherever he was from.

"I intend to never wear clothes again!"

I'm already dreaming about all the nothing I plan on doing.  Just sitting in a balcony on the third largest ship in the world, watching the waves go by.  I'll likely be drinking a beer too.  With my wife bringing me profiteroles.  And like Odysseus, I'll also be perpetually naked.


  1. So, I know it's a typo but the idea of Sammy writing in agony cracks me up.

    Way funny.

    Writhing = not funny. Just so you know I'm not a sadist.

  2. We have this thing where, rather than let one kid wake up the other kid, as soon as we notice one of them starting to cry, we bring them into bed with us.

    So, now, I have to deal with kids trying to wear themselves like hats because they want my entire pillow.

    I wake up, often, with a stiff neck.

  3. Teething is a bitch, pure and simple. Poor baby! Still, sleep deprivation is used as a torture device for a reason. It makes one crazy!

    A cruise huh? Oh that works just fine. I'm hoping it's not to Alaska though because you sanding naked on the balcony up there might result in freezing off things that you previously treasured.


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