This sunday, Sammy will reach his second month of existence. Two entire months. My wife and I were reveling in it a bit this morning - thinking how could it possibly be that the two of us are raising a baby. It's like an explosion of "whoa". He's starting to smile more, and as someone i was recently talking to pointed out, he's out of the "blob" phase of childhood, and slowly but surely moving into the "awesome" phase.
It's funny, though, how you come across the same empty questions and platitudes in every single social setting.
Q: "How's it feel to be a father?" A: terrible, i wish it had never happened, and you're fat.
Q: "Is the little one sleeping?" A: yes, to a scary degree. He hasn't woken up since birth.
Q: "How's your little one doing?" A: He's a newborn; he sleeps, eats, and poops. Or did you want something groundbreaking? Ok, sometimes, he spits up.
Platitude: Babies are great, aren't they? A: maybe the conversation could be over now? you obviously have nothing interesting to say.
P: You've gotta take him outside, now that the weather's good. A: Hold on, REALLY? I need a notepad to write that down. Thank god for your advice, otherwise we would have kept him in a cage under the sink until he was 30. NOW WE KNOW. *calls wife* Honey! Guess what?!
I hate it when people who have no business giving you advice on your personal life decide to barge in and start giving it you unsolicited. Take, for example, the other day. I was at my local Mulch vender, aka Lowe's. I was loading Mulch onto a cart, and a guy comes up and gives me this bit of Einstein: "Hey, you should save yourself the trouble and pull your car up, and just load up your car".
First of all, Shut up. Second of all, i know it is a good idea, but still. Shut up. Lastly: I can smell you over the manure I'm loading onto the cart. Addendum: Seriously, shut up.
Part of me is glad that we don't live in a closer society. This way, nobody will bother me by pointing it out when I'm doing something stupid. None - O - Yo - BEEZwax.
Happy Friday everyone - Peace Love and Privacy.