Monday, July 11, 2011

10 (or so) Jobs I'd Really Love to Have.

This is what I look like today.

Which has more caffeine?  Coffee, or tea that's steeped for 3 hours?

Mainly because I've been up since 4AM being a good work slave.  By the way, anyone have a really sweet job they're willing to give up?  Preferably one that doesn't involve working crazy hours that go back and forth anywhere from 4 in the morning to 11 at night?

And also pays really effing well?

What follows is my top 10 list of the sweetest jobs i could possibly think of, so if you're working in one of these fields, let me know, and i'll send you my resume (FYI - my resume is just a picture of me flexing)

1.  Carrier of Objects.  You don't need to use your brain at ALL for this, which allows for other, more important utilizations of your brain capacity. Like trying to remember the theme song to Duck Tales.  Also, it's like exercising, so you don't really need to work out.

2.  Planner of things.  This is almost the complete opposite of the previous one.  I imagine planners of things to be sitting around in a room with only clocks and calendars for decorations, with their feet on their desk, leaning back in a giant leather chair.  Also they'll be smoking a cigar, talking out of the side of their mouths.  And they don't move all day, except to get food, which will always be delicious.  And they have the final word on how everything goes.  Come to think about it, this is sort of what my wife does with me every day, only no cigar as far as I know.

3.  Exterior decorator.  Sort of a combination of the carrier of objects and the planner of things.  The exterior decorator gets to plan what the exterior will look like, and then carries all the stuff over to where they will eventually go in order for the outside to be properly decorated.  This job is only sweet in places where the temperature never gets above 70 degrees.  I am definitely against sweat.  I'd sign a pledge never to sweat again, if my sweat glands would be legally bound to that pledge.  Stupid law-breaking pores.

4.  New and Awesome game inventor - how cool would it be to design games all day long?  Get your creativity on, and combine it with your childishness?  I think that'd be super cool.  But without all that learnin' you've gotta do.  Seriously, after my MBA, I'm never learning anything ever again.  Except, maybe, how to properly use Nun-chucks.

5.  Professional Long-winded blabberer.  I have a strange obsession with the idea that people rush to hear and listen to every single word that I say or think.  This is why I love twitter and having a blog.  And why I write posts like this.  To see if you really, and truly will read every insomnia-influenced thing that my brain poops out onto the blog.  Thank you, by the way, for indulging me.

6.  Travel Book writer.  I want to have a job filling in all of those extensive travel books that you get.  You go and travel somewhere and basically exhaust all information about whatever site you're in.  sweet job, if I ever knew of one.

7.  Money collector.  Walkin' around, pickin' up money off the street.  Putting it in your collection.  Drinking an iced tea.  Pretty self explanatory.

8.  I think that's enough.  Because see picture above.  That's how i'm writing this right now.  one handed and exhausted.

9.  I've gotta start writing posts ahead.  I've got the blog's appearance to look the way I want, now i've just gotta work on the content.

10.  FYI: PSA:Monday's suck.  especially when they start at 4 in the morning.


  1. Once you are done with your MBA, you can definitely work as a planner of things, also known as a middle manager or a project manager. Usually their title is something like "Consulting Forecaster" or "Financial Analyst II". However, once you become one of these, you also have to carry around a little slice of hell, also known as a Blackberry, which makes noise not only at 4 in the morning, but 1 and 2 am as well and then it lights up like the Eye of Sauron.

  2. I'm pretty sure professional long winded blabberer is a job. See also, lawyer/congressman/old man.

  3. You can talk about nothing with me anytime. I am a professional. And I can fill in for you when you go on leave while occupying posititon NO7. I love ice tea!!

  4. Love #1 & #7. And also the picture.(hahaha..sorry.) Enjoyed reading your list here!

  5. When you find the job that fits you perfect, let me know! I could certainly do with some advice on how to find one I want! I enjoyed your list.

  6. I just happen to be a "Planner of Things," and you pretty much nailed my typical work day, except that the cigar is held between fingers and pointed at people for emphasis. The food, as you noted, is constantly exquisite. If you can get one of them gigs, I think you'll enjoy it.

  7. Um, you are already #5, its called being a blogger. If you find out how to make money, let the rest of us know ;) I like your insomnia posts!!

  8. Those sound like awesome jobs, and as Amanda said, you're already doing #5 on top of this soul-sucking odd hours job you do.

    I'll keep my ears peeled for you :)

  9. Regarding #5, you are welcome.

    Regarding #6, I totally agree with you! I wanted to work for the Polish Embassy (or the US Embassy in Poland) when I was younger. Still do but now, it's too late for dreams to come true. So, that's my second never-going-to-happen dream.

  10. #1 is all solved - become a letter carrier. It's 1) excellent exercise, both aerobic and weight training, 2) once you get the hang of it, your brain can do it's own thing for hours at a stretch and 3) you get all the fun of talking to random, cool people and if they suck, you're all "sorry, got to go deliver mail now". Win/win/win.

    (except you'll never get a full time position with benefits the way the PO is running and it's a dying service and the old timers are some seriously crusty PTSD cases...but aside from all that, it's great!)


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