Thursday, July 21, 2011


So those rascally Russian contractors finished the job.  The pool is a beautiful pristine blue, and you can actually see more then an inch into the water.  Which is great because of two things: first, as everyone else in the world is mentioning today, it's effing hot; and second, I never thought it would happen so quickly. 

Involuntary pun section:
The Russians have really deserved...high..."Marx"..?  They likely got it done so fast because they were always "Russian" around so much.  So in honor of these brave contractors, "Ural" invited to come play a massive game of Sharks and Minnows.  
Ok, I'm done with the puns.  Sorry about that. 

Why Sharks and Minnows, you ask?  Because it's the best game ever invented.  Marco Polo is stupid, and not historically accurate what-so-ever.  Water Polo doesn't even allow the use of horses or mallets.  And yes, while silly races where you swim across the pool in all your clothes are fun, there's very little risk of people getting injured, which is lame.

Yes, Sharks and Minnows, people - it's the balls-to-the wall game where you'd better get your balls from the wall they're on to the other wall as fast as possible, because goddamn it, there are SHARKS in these waters.  Haven't you ever seen shark week?

"Sharks and Minnows: 1, 2, 3!!"

I used to play it back when I was a competitive swimmer in high school, and the entire team would use it as lung building exercise that was also super fun.  We'd all battle, and grapple, and beat each other silly underneath the water until people would almost pass out and drown.

Side note: I also tried to devise a re-breathing apparatus out of a series of tubes and Styrofoam cups from the concession stand.  It didn't work, and I nearly passed out and drowned a bunch of times. Come to think of it, the more times I almost passed out and drowned, the more fun I remember having.  Probably due to memory loss/hallucination due to oxygen deprivation.

However, while I'm entirely obsessed with sharks and minnows, I AM open to suggestions about what awesome pool games you all have been enjoying this summer already. 


  1. I was going to make a list of games that would be cool to play in a pool but I realized Russians don't have pool games since only morons went to public pools, where you could catch fun infections such as lice.

    My favored one for your pool is:

    +How Much Chlorine Did The Russian Contractors Put Into The Pool? Taste Test!

  2. My favorite game is, "float around in the pool while reading a magazine and try not to get the magazine wet"'s so much should try it ;)

  3. I am impressed that it's done so quickly. I'm also grabbing my towel. I'll be right over.

    The most fun we have in the pool/lake are the following games:

    Cheating races - just like it sounds. You pick a spot to get to and then yell GO and everyone does everything in their power to keep the other people from getting to that spot first. Can also be modified by only going backward or only by crabwalking.

    Fake Karate Exhibition - You and your friends do fake karate chops and kicks at each other, with the person on the receiving end leaping out of the water when "hit".

    Feet Face Zombie Chase - this is a new one. You stand around with friends and family and then, out of nowhere, you subtly put your foot up to another person's face and maybe caress their cheeks. And then they will chase you like a zombie to get back at you.

    I can still come over, right?

  4. Your posts and Vicki's comment are a perfect combo. Like oil and vinegar.

  5. Y'know...I'm always reading although I don't always comment. However, I have to tell you that, in my world, that "special time of the month" is called Shark Week. Which gives all new meaning, doesn't it?


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