|This is like Porn to my wife|
We were walking down the boardwalk, and figured we had about two hours before Sammy needed to sleep, so we could walk down the boardwalk for an hour and turn around, which would work out perfectly. She knew of a funnel cake place exactly an hour out, so that would be our turnaround place. (aside: how does one "know of a funnel cake place"? don't they just appear out of the ether? It's not like they're in the yellowbook or anything).
We had a magnificent walk, enjoying the sights, and laughing pleasantly watching Sammy interact with the bright new surroundings.
When we got to the funnel cake place, I got a table in the outdoor food court area. The wife came over with the funnel cake, and sat across from me, obviously unsettled. I asked what the issue was. Her reply: Seagulls. There must have been fifty of them all hanging out around this outdoor seating area.
|"Braiiiiins! But in a pinch, funnel cake will suffice"|
So.....The rest of the story pretty much writes itself.
She got freaked, and we got up to start walking to a less seagull-y area (she still hasn't had a piece of funnel cake yet). I've got the funnel cake in my hands, when she says to me, "Honey dearest, please break a piece of the funnel cake off and hand it to me", to which I replied, "sure, my lovely sweet peach!"
And all of a sudden...BAM! A seagull lands right on my head as I'm passing the piece to the wife. Another one blind-sides me and knocks the funnel cake out of my hand. The cake is lying helpless on the boardwalk (right-side up, thankfully), and my dear, loving, wife says to me, "What are you doing?!? Pick it up!! It's funnel cake, for god's sake!" Thanks, love. I'm beginning to see the list of priorities form in my wife's head. #1: Sammy #2: Funnel Cake #3 Herself: and #238: My 26 year streak of no seagull bites.
At this point, there are four seagulls swarmed around the cake, and I've gotta live up to my "gonna smack'em" mantra I so stupidly asserted earlier in the evening. I crack a couple across the beak with my sneakers and dive in for the cake.
When I've finally secured the funnel cake in hand, she says to me "Come on! to the hotel!!!" And we dash off towards our hotel room where we're sure we won't be eaten alive by seagulls. The seagulls follow us. When they continue divebombing us, she then says, "What are you doing?? Walk with us, but far behind us! but whatever you do, SAVE THE FUNNEL CAKE!"
My dear, dear wife. I owe so much to you. Namely, the seagull hickeys I've got now all over my body.
I didn't listen to my wife for the first time in a long while, and I sacrificed the funnel cake. May it rest in peace. Though likely it was ripped apart by a huge flock of seagulls and then subsequently passed through all of their digestive systems and launched back on the poor boardwalk goers. That's what they get, I guess, for not helping us defend against seagull attack.
The story's not over, but that's enough for one post. Until tomorrow!