Friday, November 4, 2011

Deep Thoughts for a Friday

I've been thinking a lot recently.  So for this post, I plan on not thinking anything through at all.

So prepare thyself.

When I get rich and famous, I want to purchase a sports car that is capable of going three hundred miles an hour, but drive it always at 10 miles under the speed limit.  I also want to put in the back window a picture of a horse-butt, and on the side windows, a picture of horse-sides, so people will think there's a horse inside the car.

Why are picture frames rectangular?  Especially when camera lenses are typically circular?  Do you think it's because the rectangle was the conventional shape of printed material since the dawn of man?  Or was it because lobbyists for and supporters of circular paper couldn't get anyone on their.....side...?

If we could fly, would dogs still be man's best friend?  Perhaps we would choose something more agile, like a hawk.  Would seagulls then be like those yippy Jack Russells?  What would a crow be? In the same vein, do you think there's any similarity between the fact that dogs are canines, and the police have K-9 divisions?

Why isn't the giant slingshot a more acceptable form of transportation?  And don't say because it's dangerous, because goddamn it, we all need a little more danger in our lives.  Is there a worldwide shortage of rubber? If so, we can divert resources from the condom factories.  Why?  Like I said...we need more danger.

Why do we need to drink water if we produce saliva?  One time, when I was a lifeguard, I tried to collect all the saliva I produced during one shift.  As expected, it quickly became disgusting.

Is it even remotely possible that English and Australian people are faking their accents because they simply don't want to admit that America is awesome?  Does that even make sense?  No?  Well then, boomerang.

Why haven't we tamed deer?  It seems like they'd make pretty awesome steeds.  Or just simply pack animals.  Or even domestic pets.  You could use them to dry your laundry.

If the globe is warming, and people in the tropics cannot survive the deadly heat, they will likely migrate north.  If they do this, then the increased population density will cause temperatures in those regions to go up. After all, when you watch alpine climbing movies, everyone huddles together for warmth.  My solution?  Giant refrigerators.  Stuff people in refrigerators to bring down their body temperature.  To zero.

Ok, I'm turning my brain back on now. I refuse to go back and re-read what I've written because it's likely 90% gobble-dee-gook.  So enjoy, and happy Friday.


  1. The inside of your brain is terrifying. In a good way. I work on floor 43, so when I'm daydreaming I always look out and pretend I can fly. And then I wonder why people don't have wings and what we could invent instead in order to be able to fly.

  2. I've heard from Biker friends that black crows are re-incarnated Bikers. I find that charming.

    A highly educated (Phd) and highly intellectual friend (self proclaimed intellect) did not know why we called the BMW Wagon 5 series vehicle to haul around our two big dogs the "K-9 Kruiser". He asked me if we named the car after a mountain in the Himalayas. When I responded "No, Nelson. It's because it is our dogs car." he was utterly confused. He did not make the leap between "canine" and "K-9" at all. (Oddly, he does know who Pamela Anderson is, although he shuns everything he considers to be "pop culture".)

    Your flights of fancy are very, well, fancy. Our brains work in some similar directions. Now I'm not saying that is always a good thing.


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