This weekend is Memorial Weekend, and that means a couple things. First, no work monday. W00t! Second, Summer's almost here! W00t! Third, oh my god it's going to be sofa-king hot I'm going to sweat so much I'll be jealous of the dudes who didn't shut their eyes in that scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark whose faces melted and had subsequent explosion-of-the-head. That's minus 1 W00t. So this weekend is only one w00t-worthy as of right now.
However, we ARE going to Baltimore. And word on the street is that there IS a pirate ship there that spins around like an idiot and they give you water pistols and supersoakers and fire hoses and water cannons. And I'm going on it. That's right, this dude is gonna be a water pirate. I need to sneak on a flask of rum and dress my wifey up like a pirate wench. I wonder if they'll let me hang off the riggings and swing into the water like a pirate Tarzan. If they did, it's totally be +1 W00t.
By the way, I'm 12 years old. But only like, 2 days a week.
Also, there's gonna be a trip to the Baltimore aquarium involved. This is less w00t-additive because Sammy's not yet fully coherent. I think it wouldn't be too fun to do this with a baby who's like, "guess what I just did in my pantaloons" but you're all, "wait, what about looking at the fishes?" to which he replies, "fool, I don't even know what YOU are yet, let alone some stinkin' fishes". +0 Wh00s because we'll probably end up going on some slow, boring ship that doesn't really do anything cool like spray you in the face with water.
Again - 12 years old = Me.
I'm sure you can tell by the almost manic way I'm writing this that I'm actually pretty excited despite the fact that the weekend is only rated +1 W00t. That's because we're in the middle of almost dying from so much crap going on in our lives that even the prospect of having a single, lonely whoot will get us to be so excited. By the way, have I complained enough about how stupid it is for both my wife and I to be simultaneously working full time, doing an MBA, and having a new baby all at the same time? No? OK, imagine to yourself I just complained for an hour......good. welcome back.
It's so bad that I had a dream last night that I went out riding my bike in the nice fresh air with nothing to do but have a sweet pic-a-nic under an apple tree that when I woke up, I felt like I had taken a mini-vacation. This means to me that EVEN DREAMING I'M RELAXING is sufficient enough to qualify as exciting.
Ok, I've wasted enough of everyone's time. Back to researching how the data from the Kepler Space Telescope is downloaded, scrubbed, and packaged so that researchers can construct light curves to determine whether or not a planet has eclipsed in front of the star in question. Stupid MIS class. -1 W00t.
Please note - all instances of "Whoot" have been changed to "w00t" in order for this blog to be more 1337-appropriate.