Friday, May 20, 2011

Decline of the state of "Man" - Part Two

So yesterday, I started down a dangerous road - trying to figure out a man's gender role when it came to raising a baby and how to treat his wife.

But delving into relationship gender roles isn't exactly the kind of thing that you can tackle in only one blog post - and plus - there's a good amount of suspense involved when you break things out into multiple blog posts, which (at least theoretically) helps to drive blog traffic. ---makes *cha-ching* sound and does one fist pump trucker style---

But let's get back on topic.  I think a fairly good representation of this phenomenon of the decline of "man" is the emergence and relative acceptance as normal of the "Man Cave".

In preparation for this post, I Googled "Man Cave".  This was the only action of preparation, so don't expect a bibliography or anything.  But I wanted to see if there were already sites out there that were discussing how negative a man cave could be for a relationship, or delving into why, exactly, men need to have Man Caves.

I got nothing.  I searched for a full-on five or ten minutes, so it was definitely an exhaustive search.  If you can find something, please let me know, because I'd like to know I'm not the only one of the species, male or otherwise, that thinks these things are damaging to relationships.  However, There were hundreds of sites describing how to properly set up your own man cave, asking for people to send in pictures of their man caves, places to shop for items you can stuff in your man cave, and Spanish Man Caves (wtf?). 

I've now written "man cave" so much that it's starting to sound less like a place for dudes to hang out and more of a gross and hairy body part. 

Look, I know people need their space every once in a while.  I need to have some quiet the same way that my wife needs to have someone to blabber to.  (just kidding, babe - I love talking to you).  But I'm at work all day.  I drive home and listen to the radio.  I have so much time away from her that I can't imagine coming home and saying to her, "Hey look - I know we just saw each other for the first time today...but I've got to take care of in my Man Cave.  Later!"  Sounds like you're gonna need some...friction reducer.

I've got people at my work who are "happily" married, but end up sleeping in separate bedrooms because the other person snores, or they roll around too much, or a whole host of other reasons.  So, let me get this straight.  You're at work all day, you come home into your man cave, and you sleep in separate bedrooms?  Why get married in the first place?

Didn't you marry your spouse so you could be with her forever after?  Doesn't she make you crazy with happiness every time you look at her?  Don't you love her personality so much that it's like a drug you need to get as much as you can every moment of the day?

Look, no one's saying that you shouldn't spend time with your dude-friends.  Watch sports, drink beers, talk about whether or not a PanzerFaust could take out an incoming meteor, or if an Airplane on a treadmill would move. You know, things the ladies aren't interested in.  But you didn't marry your buds.  The establishment of a physical place to purposefully exclude your woman-love is not only unfair, it's reminiscent of prepubescent clubs for boys who haven't figured out that girls are awesome yet.

from here

Disclaimer: Like the last post, I'd love to hear arguments.  Every relationship works differently, and every person needs a different amount of space.  But what I've outlined above is essentially just my own personal thoughts on the importance of being a close partner to your spouse.


  1. I recently saw an ad for something called the "Mom Cave":

    Terrible, right?

    I'm all for having your own space. I think two people in a house need it. But why masculinize or feminize it instead of "you"-izing it? I think there are two things going on here: the first is the comment I left yesterday, about social conditioning, and the second is that we consider men "weaker" today than before, which is why some feel they need to compensate. Is it true for all men? No. But before, men were expected to do a lot more: build things, burn things, fix things, etc, the way women were expected to do more: sew, cook from scratch, laundry by hand, etc.

    Now , both men and women in Western societies sit at computers all day and can't do other tasks. This has hit some men very hard, to the point where they've felt the need to start sites like this: (read it and get back to me on how crazy it is) and, similarly, construct man caves, to assert how masculine they are.

    Not saying there's anything inherently wrong with man caves...except the fact that I've typed mancaves enough now to also think of it as unfortunate anatomy.

  2. My research on this subject involves watching an inordinate number of House Hunters (both regular and "International") along with a host of other HGTV shows...

    Almost universally, the guy seeking a man cave sports a silly grin and and even sillier belt (don't know why. just reporting the facts).

    Man Cave Seeker is also generally accompanied by a woman cooing about her future scrap booking room. In other words, they're pretty much made for each other.

    I love those shows.

    They make me sick when I compare the price of real estate elsewhere to what we spend in California, but also blissful that our home doesn't have a cave or a craft nook in sight.

    That is all.

  3. Nice to find your blog via the lovely Polish Mama on the Prairie.

    I live in London, where folks can only ever hope to afford a 'man broom closet' if they are lucky...cave sounds lavish :)


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