But I'm afraid of her.
I'll hear her at the door on the weekends, and I'll scatter. Almost to the point of hiding behind the couch. I actually ran upstairs more than once. I wish I had some of those ninja smoke bombs that make you disappear.
You see, she's Israeli. Well, to be completely clear, she's Ukrainian, but she moved to Israel and has lived there for ten billion years (I was never clear on the time line). In my mind, since she lived in Israel, she knows how to shoot an automatic weapon. This is frightening to me.
Not only that, but she also is convinced that I speak fluent Russian. Sigh...this is becoming a constant issue for me. She'll walk in the house with her grenade launcher strapped around her back, holding a knife like Steven Seagal, and she'll carry on a full-on conversation with me. Fast, uninterrupted, and extremely complicated. Not only that, but she's got a Ukrainian/Israeli accent, which throws me completely off.
When she does corner me for conversation, I just pretend like I'm a real Russian man, quiet and stoic. I nod meaningfully. I don't want to be impolite. Especially to a 55 year old woman who can kill me in 17 different ways. And that's only without touching me.
But the greatest thing about her is the things she'll say to Sammy. My wife translated a few gems:
- "Oh, no! YOU didn't pee in your diaper. You would never do such a thing. It was ME who peed in your diaper. Shame on me!"
- "You can't be cold, Sammy. Let's cover you up. If you're cold, how will you warm up all the ladies?"
- "Oh, Sammy, you must be crying because you are tired from working so-so hard all day. When you grow up, you will certainly be president, then none of us will have to work"