Monday, August 8, 2011

10 Russian Foods That are Making Me Obese, and That I Can't Live Without

So for this week's list, I wanted to do a counter argument to the list I made about the most disgusting Russian foods.  Because, honestly, the Russians make some absolutely amazing dishes that are seriously going to make me bedridden with obesity such that I'll have to be brought to the hospital via crane. 

1. Tea.  Russians never do anything without first letting it "steep" for a while in a cup of hot tea (see what I did there?).  EVERY meal is ended with tea.  And at first, I was sort of indifferent, because honestly, tea?  I honestly thought it was really dumb, especially growing up with my parents always having decaf coffee after dinner.  Now, I can't even believe my parents with their stupid decaf.  "Seriously?  Decaf? What's the point?" I mutter at them with my nose up in the air.

2. Borscht.  Without borscht, I wouldn't have been able to name this blog something awesome.  I was always skeptical about borscht, especially given that I'm not a beet lover, but there's something about the way that it's all put together with the cabbage, the beef, and the beets (not to mention pouring a mountain of sour cream in the soup) that makes me as crazy as a preteen girl at a Bieber concert.

3. Shashlik.  I've discussed this before, but I've gotta mention it again because it's so imperative to my survival.  Grilled pork butt.  It's outstanding, and I've got a delicious man-crush on whoever created this non-gross method of eating butt.

4. Pirogi.  You can't screw these up.  It seems like whatever you put in a pirogi makes it the most delicious pirogi ever created.  Eggs, bacon, meat, rice, vegetables, cherries, onions, whatever it is, they're outstanding.  And the great part is that every family has a different recipe, so you've gotta try everyone's, and they're always competing for room in your stomach, which I can't complain about.

5. Golubtsy.  I never heard of these before, but it's essentially beef and rice wrapped in cabbage, all boiled.  Sounds a bit gross, and for those of you who don't like boiled vegetables, this wouldn't be for you (my wife is of your camp).  But throw half a can of sour cream on top, and I'm living in "oh my god" land where all they play is James Brown.  These are excellent.

6. Olivie - This is the quintessential Russian Salad, and like pirogis, every family has their own recipe.  For my in-laws, they do potatoes, pickles, bologna, and eggs, all nearly swimming in mayonnaise.  But there are families who do it with chicken, or who add carrots, or any number of variations.  If it were up to me, we'd substitute our bed for a giant bowl of olivie and eat while we sleep.  Yeah, it's that good.

7. Salads.  Russians don't believe in lettuce.  I mean, some will use a tiny bit, but normally, Russian salads are nothing like American salads, which are usually 90% lettuce.  When my wife and her family make salads, they're made of two cucumbers, two tomatoes, and half an onion.  And that's it.  Also, they don't believe in any salad dressing other than oil and vinegar.  I used to be annoyed by the whole "no dressing" thing, but now, there's nothing better on a hot summer night than one of these light and delicious salads made with just the best parts of the salads.

8.  Napoleon.  Oh god, Russians do desserts right.  And this particular cake is the best cake I think I've ever had.  The only problem: it takes 2 days to make.  Essentially, it's a cake made of both sour cream and whipped cream, with maybe 25 or 30 paper thin layers with the cream smothered in between each layer.  In the end, it's about eight or nine inches tall (depending on how many layers you make) and it lasts about thirty seconds.  Once you put it on the table, it's a madhouse.  I've personally lost two fingers to Napoleon related injuries.

9.  Dill.  An herb the Americans give little attention to that the Russians will put on ANYTHING.  I don't blame them though, it adds a seriously fresh and amazing aroma and taste that I think a lot of American foods are missing.

10.  Zharkoye.  This is a strange dish, and is sort of the Russian version of the spanish paella.  It's chicken wings (or some other meat, but my in-laws use chicken wings) braised with a magical sauce of carrots, onions, and water - all mixed in with potatoes.  I still have no idea how it's done, even though I've helped make it dozens of times.  All I know is that it's outstanding.

So if you're ever able to get access to a Russian household, please, please, please ask for these ten things - I promise you that you won't be disappointed. 

22 comments:

  1. I am liking Russian food! I am all for tea and awesome salads and desserts that take 2 days to make. You are a lucky man, Bill!

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  2. Some of this sounds interesting, some not so much. But I'm willing to try anything once!

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  3. Will, you left out green peas in Olivie! :) Not sure if your family also cooks some of the Uzbek cuisine specialties (quite popular in the Russian community here it seems), but if you never tried manty or samsa (home-made preferably, or from a nice Uzbek restaurant), you've got to! And Uzbek lamb shashlyk is also VERY good!

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  4. Having lived under the tyranny of the lettuce-less salads and terrifying golubtsi my whole life, I am now in love with many American foods that Russians don't appreciate: delicious fruit salads ("what kind of idiot makes a salad out of fruit?), chili (illegals didn't make this, did they?), panini (what?? a sandwich without kalbasa??) etc, etc. I do like Russian food, but as a nation whose food was made of whatever was at hand primarily to stave off starvation in -5 Celsius, I love not having to eat pechenka ever.

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  5. Oh Bill, now i am hungry, like every single time I read a list. And this one make s me miss Grandma! I love tea sweetened with black cherries.
    Next time you are choosing a theme you are forbidden to do anything with calories.

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  6. A cake that takes two days to make is probably one of the best cakes ever! I'm going to have to Google recipes for some of these Russian dishes! I love pirogi's but have never made them myself. My husband introduced me to them when we were dating and they are a weekly addition to meals in our house!

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  7. Growing up in a Polish/Slovak extended family, I have a fond affinty for things pickled w/beets, stuffed either in cabbage or dough packets, and finally tea. Love it!

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  8. The Russian manfriend loves his tea, dill, and lettuce-less salads. He refuses to cook any Russian dishes for me, yet wants me to recreate them...specifically the Napoleon. I'm thinking I'm going to have to make that sucker soon, it sounds delish! (And I'm with your wife on the boiled vegetables...not for me.)

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  9. so true:

    - decaffeinated stuff, really? I secretly judge them LOL

    - Perogi, I think only once I tried them and while they were delicious, they were heavy. I would get fat in a blink.

    - Dill, I love it. I even created a medley of spices for my very succesful french fries. I should make a post of this. I also, add this to fish a lot.

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  10. I put dill on cooked carrots...it looks pretty, and tastes good too!
    Thanks for making such a great topic for Monday listicles :)

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  11. Interesting list. I don't know about the pork butt though, but I'll take your word for it. We just got us a Russian girl as a tenant for our apartment and I'd have to ask her for a Napoleon one day.

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  12. Yum, these all sound delicious! Now, all I need someone one (You!) to come and make them for me!

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  13. I am now starving. I love all those things, except the pigs in a blanket (cabbage rolls)

    Lithuanians also have a version of borcht that is cold beet soup made with buttermilk. It sounds disgusting but with a side of potatoes and dill? To die for. Even my husband eats it now.

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  14. It all sounds wonderful! My best friend is Russian and she usually just makes me strange things with canned fish...I will have to demand some of these recipes! :-)

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  15. I see a common theme in this...and that theme...is sour cream. (Yum)that might even make beets taste good ;)

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  16. I can't say that I have ever tried any of theses foods except for the fresh veggies that you call "salad" and I agree they are very good as stand alones. I would try some of the things on the list and some of them not so much...maybe I will get the chance to see someday!

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  17. Yeah, Russian salads are far superior to anything in the US. Except for a true Greek salad, where you add feta and some spices (still, no lettuce)

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  18. I looooove Polish food and this list includes so many Russian versions of my own top 10 that it's just insane! I think you would like Bigos.

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  19. Ummm, it might not be so much the Russian food that's putting some weight on you as your near obsession with sour cream.

    Which I share.

    And which will have me bed ridden sooner than later.

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  20. I think you need to include mayonnaise as a separate food group, we put it on everything!

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  21. You forgot hachipori! Or does that not count cuz it's Georgian?

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  22. I realize I probably already know the answer to this...but if they have pirogi in the frozen food section at Publix, is that a no-go? I mean...I want to try it but I could see how defrosting pirogi would be like trying to pick up cannoli at Big Lots. If the first one you have is a disaster, you will NEVER eat it again. And I don't want my first pirogi to be a train wreck.

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