Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Frogs Own It

Do any of you have a pool at your house?  Not one of those tiny, kiddie pools that you can fill with beer and have a wild party in with a bunch of sweet GI Joe boats and a stripper, no.  A real, honest to god, in-ground pool?


Good.  Never buy a house with one.  Let me tell you why.

When we were looking for a house to spawn offspring into, my wife and I came across many, terrible locations.  It was at the bottom of the housing crash, we were looking for cheap places, and there were more neglected foreclosures than I could have ever dreamed existed.

But when we found the house we would eventually make the mistake of purchasing, we loved everything about the place...until we went outside.

My lovely, and beautiful wife whose entrancing allure and intelligence knows no bounds decided that it would be a grand idea to buy a house with a pool. 

I objected.  Mostly because I knew I would be the one taking care of it.

It was a little like when your kid comes home with a half dead turtle and asks you to keep it, but then you're like, what do I do with a stupid turtle?  Don't they like pizza?  (They don't) But I think I saw that in a movie once.  (That was TMNT).  Oh, ok.

So here it is, almost July fourth, and my pool hasn't been touched, what with school, and child-rearing, and trying to make sure that my lawn/garden is somewhat upkept so my neighbors don't attack me with pitchforks. And you know, Fourth of July weekend is like the siren to all people to head toward water.  And this is what the water in the pool looks like.

And I'm trying to clean the entire thing through a filter the size of a shoe-box.  I may as well get out there with some cheese-cloth and hope for the best. 

Also, no joke, I've come across two over-sized frogs so far.  One was living the life and jumped off the diving board into the water, and the other (probably his mistress that his wife found out about) was lodged inside of my filter, deader than disco. 

So, I would like to take this opportunity to invite you to come over to my place!  No, not for tea, or for biscuits, or any of that, but to come and both help me clean up my pool and also to knock some sense into my dear, dear wife so the next house we buy is pool-free.


  1. Poor Bill... My husband is the guy who gets yelled at by the rich women while cleaning their pools because he is not the owner and therefor cannot cut them a deal on the $5,000 price for opening their in ground pools at their million plus dollar mansions.

    At least, you have a pool to swim in, once you open it. :P lol! Good luck! Anyway, I'll ask my husband for tips how to speed up the process. Probably, skin peeling cancer causing chemicals are involved like the ones he has to use at his job.

  2. That's cool. I have just the thing to navigate.

  3. Oh but imagine the great fun you'll have once you finish cleaning it in oh, 2016!

  4. I think I just read a rant of a man with a pool. No, I don't feel for you. Sorry.
    Also once you sort it out and years from now put it on the market you will make a major profit. Cause your brilliant wife saw it! Mark my words.

  5. Thank You, Stasha! My point exactly!

  6. I would totally make the husband come over and help you clean your pool. So that the rest of us could relax in it.

  7. That picture is priceless.

    We live in a godforsaken condo that we will NEVER be able to sell (not that I'm bitter or anything), but when/if we ever buy a house, Mike wants a pool. He had a pool as a kid, he thinks a pool is crucial to a happy childhood. Perhaps I shall send him this blog as Exhibit A for why it's not the best idea. Happy childhoods are overrated anyway.


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